Mr. Bike Shop Owner - is it cold, is it windy, can we RIDE???

Do you have the bike shops of the towns you travel to most on your speed dial? Do you call them all the time to ask about the weather? Have they become so accustomed to your voice that they start talking about the weather before acknowledging the name of their shop? Have you become a bug in their ear?

I bet the guys at Over The Edge sports, in Fruita, CO could tell you plenty about my calls to them. I think they probably even have my number posted near the phone with a weather report right next to it. They might also have my number with a picture of my lovely face with a inscription that says: A WEATHER BUG! But, this information is important, if one is headed 4-6 hours away. It is even more important if you're a working Joe like me.

So, once again, I've created a list of questions to ask the local bike shop owners (I'm fond of lists). Yes, you'll still be a weather bug, but at least you've got your trail/weather/camping questions answered.

1. Is it snowing (or raining) there now?
2. [Call back in 10 minutes] What about now?
3. [Call back the next day] Is it snowing/raining now?
4. Are the winds howling like a tornado near a trailer park in Oklahoma?
5. Have you been on the most epic trail in the last 48-hours?
6. Did you come in contact with any mud or otherwise wet ground?
7. Does your town have an American Meteorological Society certified weather reporter?
8. [If yes] Good, can you tell me about the weather for the next three weeks, then?
1. [If no] Oh, I guess you should thank me for this call. Because, you're in great danger. How do you know if your weather is what it seems like, if your weather reporter isn't certified? You know that going outside and looking just ins't enough these days!
9. Where is the best camping?
10. Do I have to pay for this camping?
11. Can I have a raging, high school party-style campfire there?
12. [Remember to end with a joke] Hey, I know I've taken up a lot of your time, but do you want to hear a good joke?
1. [If yes or no; doesn't matter, just tell it] Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own? Answer: because it's TWO TIRED!!!

I suggest you post your own "questions to the bicycle shop owner during a phone call". You can easily post a comment and let me know your ideas.

LIVE THE HUMOR!