The Weekend Plan - The Personal Side Of Walker

Hmmm. So many options... but what about a bachelor party? DUH! Dude, You need to have one - its like a right of passage into the shackles of married life.

Here is the plan:

Go into downtime Durango - over to the Mountain Bike Specialists. After they close, throw some sheets up on the windows and have an all night drunken booze fest with girls dancing (naked of course) on mountain bikes... writhing up and down titanium and carbon seat posts and blasting tunes like "hot for teacher" and "the humpty dance".

I would suggest you rig up a 3 liter camelbak with a mix of Hammer Perpetuem (THE Fuel For Extreme Endurance)and Vodka. Plus keep some electrolyte caps handy cause shit will get crazy once you start bringing out the full suspension girl on girl action. You know the mini-pumps get mistaken for all kinds of things.

Once its around 11, order up some burgers from the Olde Tyme cafe down the street and chow down on those. This is kind of the intermission when the first set of girls go home and they prep the new girls for the second half. Plus they gotta mop the floors and wipe down the bikes.

Now for the mucho loco stuff. Get a few water bottles of whiskey handy, no, no dont dump out the hammer/vodka mix... keep it going. You will need that. The whiskey is for the girls. Now get all the energy gel packs you can find and while you are at it get some of those chocolate coated energy bars... girls LOVE chocolate. This is the part were the girls climb up onto the map table in the front and get to squirt energy gels all over each other and you have to lick it off. Its like a topographic exploration of terrain. Dont worry about the gps - you wont need it here.

Yeah, I know - your fiance might not completely totally approve, but you are training man! Its for your career! You can't stay semi-pro forever. You need to move into the big leagues and this will get you ready for that. Besides, you wont last but a minute or two licking all that gel like mess off their smooth supple skin before they will want to move you out of the way and get to licking it off themselves.

By this point, the store will be in such a dissarray and you will probably be vomiting (Evomo style) all over the road bikes that its best to call it night. Its safe to say that you wont need to think of anything to do on Sunday, cause you will be recovering from the night before - and cleaning up the mess.

I'd grab some friends, fill up the vehicle and get the f*@! out of town. Try riding somewhere new not to hard. you'll have to explain the bruises and cuts. And don't disapper for to long cause you'll have to exlain that to. unless you wan't to make up a compleatly bizar story then they will never know.

Well, the story goes that I did get out of town and rode the Stoner Mesa Loop and Italian Canyon loop in Dolores, CO. Great rides for sure...

My Fiance was happy that I wasn't around until late Sunday night. So I guess she owes me one...

Walker T

Off the road, on the mind...