My summer vacation- a bit of a parody

I've been just about everywhere on my mountain bike so this year I thought I'd try something different. Our anniversary was coming so the wife decided to buy me the ultimate MTB vacation....that's right...to the Moon. I know what you're thinking but quite honestly, it's quite affordable this time of year as the heavy gravitational pull and meteor showers usually keeps all but the most committed tourists away. You just have to want it bad enough and have the pocket book to afford it.

Well, it was quite an experience to say the least. The shuttle-lag you get from space travel made me a little groggy but once there the open-ness of space and lack of oxygen really invigorate the senses. We got our spacesuits on in just under three hours and we immdiately set up camp in our egg-crate houses, and began to unload the bikes. Of course, all government-built vehicles suffer from lack of quality, and thus...the bay doors were stuck again. So, we had to unload them from the inside out. Yakima bike racks were originally fitted to the shuttle but it was thought to be a bad idea for re-entry on the way back since the bikes would pretty much incinerate to nothingness.

We couldn't wait to ride. I had personally outfitted my rig with the new "John Tomac Lunar Landers" which weighed in at a mere 7800g (in order to keep the bike planted in a zero-G environment) and had filled them with "Stan's Lead-Tubes" flat sealant.

We immediately set out looking for some single tracks but we realized that without bushes, or trees, major mountains, and things like that there were no single tracks. To our surprise, there were however an abundance of craters to ride! Yes! These things were such a great idea by whoever installed them as they acted like giant skate-pools to which we got some serious air time. Triple backflips, multiple table tops, whatever you wanted. The zero gravity environment really lent itself well to doing tricks and getting BIG air. One guy put his standard WTB Raptors on to lighten it up and he did about 2 flips and then it hit us....he was just going to just keep on going...a goner. I think I heard that the hubble got some pics of him doing tailwhips somewhere out past Saturn. Sounds like he's really making the best of it. He was a cool dude.

We also found some great rocks to hop off of and over. I was in the process of bunny-hopping one 30ft tall boulder and when I landed got hit in the face by something. Apparently some a-hole decided to stick an American Flag in the ground right in the middle of the trail. I never saw it till I took it out. I just left it there on the ground.

Riding with the spacesuit on was a bit of a drag. My air hoses kept getting caught in the chain and I'd get pinch-flats which I had to patch. This was very, very tough to do with the giant golves they give you and those tiny little patches. Bummer.

All in all it was a great trip. While were out there we discovered a river that apparently had never been seen by scientists. Some say it was a big deal but I fail to see why as it wasn't even big enough to put a jet-boat in it and get really crazy.

I highly recommend the moon if you're looking for something a little different on your next MTB vacation.

The End

*Actually I don't have any good summer vacation stories since my wife and I just had our second child and I've been pretty much stuck at home, riding the same trails everyday* Hope it was at least entertaining though.